Roadblocks to Aligned Living: People Pleasing

People pleasing is something that almost everyone falls victim too in some way or another. It is also something that a lot of us put time and energy into learning how to stop. It can pick at your confidence, disrupt your plans, and make you feel resentful-at yourself and others in your life. When it comes to learning to live from a place of alignment between our values and our actions, many of us hit the roadblock of people pleasing and aren’t sure how to get around it. Here is my guide to Roadblocks to Aligned Living: People Pleasing.

People Pleasing

How does people pleasing show up for you? Are you someone that agrees with everyone around you without even realizing you’re not considering your own opinions before opening your mouth to agree? Do you say yes when you mean no because you feel guilty? Do you panic when conflict arises, and try to quickly make it disappear by just pleasing the person? Maybe you find yourself saying sorry for things that don’t need apologizing for?

Stems From Our Childhood

Most of us learned these habits as kids. It can be from a range of things; watching unhealthy relationships, a traumatic event, just surviving, or noticing when it was easier to just say yes. These patterns are deep, and may be best explored with the help of a therapist. If that doesn’t feel like a good fit for you right now that is okay. Here are a few things to think about in the meantime…

Listen To Your Body

One of the best places to start when it comes to people pleasing is just to notice what is happening within you. Take note when you have people pleased and what is happening within the body. You might notice tensing in some way, or maybe your stomach is clenching. You might experience a change in temperature like heat or coolness.

Reflection

I encourage you to take sometime and reflect on what your body experienced. Write it down or talk about it with a close friend. Someone whom you feel safe with, who will listen to you and just be there for you. Reflect on your overall energy; how are you feeling? Ask yourself in the most self-compassionate way, what was stolen from you when you pleased?

Start Small : Take Your Power Back

This is your energy. Know that you do have a choice- and begin to slowly use that power. I suggest that my clients start small. Start with someone that isn’t within your inner circle, but rather an acquaintance. Practice saying no to them. If no feels unavailable to you, feel free to say something like, “let me get back to you, I have to check my calendar.”

Self Compassion

This might be the most difficult pattern to break, but it is the most important. Speaking to yourself with kindness. Learning to be compassionate with yourself along this journey will only help you. Know that this is a process, give yourself time to use these techniques. Change this big doesn’t happen overnight, but I can promise you this; it will get easier. You will gain confidence in yourself and know that it is okay to say no thank you.

Roadblocks to Aligned Living: People Pleasing was written with my entire heart. Boundaries are something that I cultivated in my life after a long time of being a meditator to everyone. You have so much power within you. If you are needing a little extra help I would love to work with you one on one.